Cady North was interviewed by Luis Rosa, CFP®, EA for the On My Way To Wealth podcast. We dug into the status quo bias, limiting beliefs and updates about my book, The Resiliency Effect. Give it a listen! Here’s the episode.
I write a lot about helping people achieve big dreams they have in life or career. What I’ve found from my own experience and working with others is that employing lifehacks or working harder, faster or smarter is not the answer.
The challenge lies in doing the deep work that will give you the energy to not just say what your biggest dreams are, but to take action on them.
One challenge you may run into (or perhaps have already experienced) is the high potential for burnout. I know I have.
A lot of the time the reason we get burned out is not just because we’re highly driven or motivated or because we’re biting off more than we can chew. Sometimes we’ve been conditioned to believe that if we’re not busy we must not be trying hard enough.
Society tells us we need to be busy and productive to be worth something, but why hasn’t anyone questioned why our worth is tied to production in the first place?
I wanted to seek the answer to that question for myself and it’s one of the reasons I wrote my book, The Resiliency Effect.
Being busy only leads us to burnout, overwork, and suffering. Yet we can’t stop ourselves, and it’s getting worse—so much worse that governmental organizations have started to notice.
Beginning in 2019, the World Health Organization (WHO) started classifying burnout as an “occupational phenomenon.” They define it as “a syndrome resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed.” The organization further describes it as feeling depleted or exhausted, experiencing distance or cynicism related to your job, and/or being less effective at work. They are so concerned that they are launching research to create evidence-based guidelines on mental well-being in the workplace.
When respondents were asked as part of a 2019 Meredith Corporation study about how stress and anxiety have contributed to trouble with planning, decision-making, or sleep during the last five years, 48 percent of women respondents said burnout was so bad that it keeps them up at night! And 35 percent of women said they have trouble concentrating. (Men experienced these too, but to a lesser degree.)
Through my research, I found there’s a link between burnout, busyness, imposter syndrome, and traumatic experiences in our lives. This link is what’s keeping us focused on producing, despite the cost to our health and well-being. As a society, we haven’t been encouraged to deal with the root causes of why we feel imposter syndrome and why we need to prove our worth through productivity. It’s rare, as a human, to have not had some type of adverse or traumatic experience. It’s worth considering how it might be driving you to overwork yourself (or employ some other coping mechanism preventing you from living your best life).
This was the case for me. I spent years in a cycle of burning myself out at work, quitting my job, finding a new job, only to start the process right over again. My own adverse experiences as a child and young adult growing up in an alcoholic household made me more prone to behaviors like perfectionism, people pleasing, and denying my emotions and myself.
The opposite. If we’re always responding to the people who rely on us so as not to let them down, where do we find the time to devote to dreaming up our big dreams? Solving problems bigger than ourselves? Or truly finding satisfaction in who we are rather than what we do? We’re all trying to do way too much. Doing the opposite means giving ourselves permission to slow down…way down.
Instead of working ourselves to the bone, make something else the priority. Many of us put unrealistic expectations on ourselves. But when we simply allow ourselves to dream, there is no expectation. Start with something creative. Many people believe that you have to be an artist or a musician to be creative. I like to expand my own internal definition to all sorts of creative activities such as planning a meal, dancing in my living room, even taking a moment to write in a journal.
When we’re burned out and overworked it can be extremely difficult to focus on anything other than the tasks at hand. But something as simple as prioritizing time away to take a walk can both count for being creative and giving yourself a break. You’ll be amazed at the problem solving your brain will do in the background when you’re not intentionally thinking about your to-do list.
As you begin to make dreaming and creative endeavors a priority, it may make sense to schedule time for these things like you would for a recurring meeting.
Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way, suggests doing something called Morning Pages — free writing when you first get up on anything that comes to mind. It’s not about producing something beautiful, it’s about creating a habit that’s different from your life and day-job.
One technique that I use is to prioritize non working hours during my work day. I’m more of an episodic worker and writer anyway and no two days look the same for me. A week or two in advance I look at my calendar for time slots where I haven’t planned to work on a project or meet with clients. Those are my time slots to take walks, do something creative, or do nothing at all.
This is an active way I protect myself from burnout.
Sometimes we need to go more extreme to protect ourselves from burnout. When you start to feel that familiar anxious feeling, like everything around you is an emergency, it’s a good indicator that you should take a break….a long one. I’m not talking an extra hour for lunch here. I’m talking about a long weekend or even a week-long vacation.
Some of us may get to a point where taking a full sabbatical for multiple weeks or months may be necessary.
Before I developed the courage, the focus and the energy to start my business I took a 6-month sabbatical. An important benefit from that time was that it allowed me to reset my expectations of what I considered “productive.” It allowed me to have motivation to set up boundaries to protect my time and prevent energy depletion as an entrepreneur.
I’m a reformed to-do lister. I used to have a to-do list as long as my arm at all times. It felt really good to check off things one my one. But the huge problem for me was that the to-do list never ended. There was never such a thing as completing everything on my to-do list.
I’ve always had an over functioning streak and this common tool made me feel like I had something more to work on all the time, no matter how productive I’d been. So, I gave it up. No one ever said on their deathbed, “I sure am glad I finished my to-do list.”
Instead I use time-boxing. Whenever I have a task from remembering to respond to an email to completing a complex tax analysis for a client, I estimate how much time it will take me to complete it and put a calendar entry into my calendar. Each type of task (revenue generating, marketing, creative, administrative) gets a color code in the calendar. That helps me visually keep track of where I’m spending most of my time. This can also be done for more complex or creative projects. I like to write, for instance, when “the mood strikes,” when I get into flow, I get way more written than I think I will. So, I sometimes will adjust my timebox on the fly to account for finding myself in flow on a project.
The main benefit for me in using time-boxing instead of to-do list is that my brain is much more ok accepting a starting point and ending point to my day. It’s also easier for me to accept and embrace those recharge time slots that I bake into my weekly schedule. The result is I feel less depleted and usually more recharged by the end of a week.
Getting another one of our to-do lists done doesn’t mean we’re happy, fulfilled or are living our big dreams. Sometimes taking a step back to prevent or cure our burnout is the only way we can make true progress toward reaching our goals.
More about The Resiliency Effect: Drawing on the fields of life coaching, financial planning and psychology, Cady’s book offers a way to develop excitement and energy around your purpose. The Resiliency Effect includes actionable advice and exercises, as well as chapters dedicated to realizing common dreams such as how to change careers, take a sabbatical, or start a business.
In a year like 2020 all of us could use a bit more resilience. The good news is, resilience can be learned.
In my book, The Resiliency Effect, I take you through the journeys of more than 50 people, the vast majority women, including those from the LGBTQ+ community, black people and other people of color. The common denominator of the women I profiled was that they made a big change to live a life more in sync with their purpose and passions. They had untapped potential and found the courage to harness their creativity, their values, and a vision for creating a better community around them.
Here are three tips from my research on resilience.
Most of the people I profiled experienced a period of burnout prior to making a big change in their life. Burnout is an epidemic in this country. A 2015 Deloitte study discovered that 77% of respondents experienced burnout in their current position — feelings of energy depletion, negativity or cynicism about work, and/or reduced personal and professional capacity.
There are many ways in which we can combat burnout in our own lives. For instance, I chose to stop using “to-do” lists. But one good thing about getting to a low place like experiencing burnout is that it can lead to a lot of self reflection. Self reflection was a catalyst used by many of the people profiled in my book to start living the life they were meant to.
This is an partial excerpt from a self-reflection workbook found in Chapter 1 of the book:
Find the courage to go back to look at experiences and adversities you’ve had in your life and consider what coping mechanisms and limiting beliefs you developed that may be hindering you today. When I went through this process for myself, I found that I was able to unlock a life that is no longer a series of fires, to-do lists, or emergencies that needed to be addressed. Instead, my life is filled with the things I’m passionate about.
One major success catalyst described by a lot of the people I interviewed was the recognition that working harder, faster or smarter isn’t the answer. Instead it’s about unlearning behaviors and coping mechanisms which have in the past kept us feeling safe, but in the present no longer serve us well. The challenge lies in doing the deep work that will give you the energy to not just say what your biggest dreams are, but to take action on them.
Some examples of unlearning from interviews I had yielded the following:
Tennis star Serena Williams learned this lesson well. 8 years ago she experienced a number of setbacks and lost a number of pivotal matches. She attributes her turnaround to unlearning a lot of old behaviors. She got a new coach so she could work from a clean slate tweaking her practice techniques and grew into the world renowned player we know today.
Building a team of friends, supporters, and even professional help is a major success catalyst. Many of the women I spoke to mentioned key support such as mentors who helped them discover their true potential. Others reflected on a failed business launch and credited not finding help sooner as their biggest regret.
Some of us fear making a change because it feels unsafe or insecure. Sometimes we have to let go of that fear. Those who do may find that they can create a new path / life / career choice that brings them more freedom and flexibility.
A big thing we could all stand to unlearn is our perfectionist and overfunctioning behaviors. Sometimes the only thing standing in our way from living our best life is ourselves. If we believe we have to be near perfect before we’re worthy or capable of doing something scary, we’ll be waiting a long time.
One solution to this kind of perfectionism found from my research is that learning to be ok with vulnerability — with ourselves and with others — and learning to be ok with discomfort is important.
The way we grew up and coped with adversity in our lives is a well-worn path that feels comfortable despite the dysfunction. The nature of our experiences means that it’s easy for us to stay stuck simply because it’s what we know and are familiar with. To begin to change and think bigger, temporarily you have to learn to be ok with being uncomfortable. Being vulnerable with others is part of the solution because the more you can name your feelings, the less power they have.
But there’s another value too – being vulnerable can put us in touch with our tribe, our people, our support network. Being vulnerable creates connection. Yet, we’re often too scared to get vulnerable for fear of not fitting in.
Writer and entrepreneur, Nilofer Merchant knows this very well. On her long-running blog, she allows herself to get vulnerable about many challenging events she faced growing up: from experiencing her parent’s divorce at a young age, abuse from her mother, bullying at school, and a rape in her 20s, and ties them to pieces of wisdom, life and business lessons.
Merchant’s life stories are inspiring, and I’m sure she gets a lot out of processing her traumas through writing. But this is the part I love most: Her vulnerable blogging led her to get syndicated by the Harvard Business Review, which eventually led to several book deals. These days, she serves on corporate boards and writes about the concept of, “Onlyness,” the topic of her 2017 book.
In a way it brings together all she’s learned through her experiences, both the positive and negative, business and personal, to better the world. I don’t think utilizing vulnerability to work through traumas and coping mechanisms has to be done in a public way, however, that method clearly has worked for Merchant.
Hopefully some of these tips resonate with you as they have with me. I wish you luck and support on your own inner journey.
More about The Resiliency Effect: In the first part of the book, we examine the root causes of imposter syndrome, which is often a catalyst for overwork and burnout. Then we look at the health impacts and high probabilities that people who deal with imposter syndrome and burnout also deal with trauma.
We also examine how the cycle of trauma, as well as the health effects of adversity are passed down within families. Finally, we look at the latest research-backed techniques for creating lasting resiliency that let you move on from surviving into thriving in your greatest life. Collectively, I refer to this deep work as the “inner journey.”
Check this out! Cady North was just interviewed by Josh Elledge for The Thoughtful Entrepreneur podcast. I got the chance to talk a lot about my work at North Financial Advisors as well as my book, The Resiliency Effect. Very cool to be celebrated for the impact we’re having out on the airwaves. Here’s the link to listen to the episode.
Behind every strong and powerful woman is a set of adversities she probably doesn’t speak about. Not facing them directly leads to burnout or even stagnation and roadblocks in life. Most people I work with can name several big dreams they have for themselves. Everyone thinks they’ll get to it “one day.” And, everyone thinks there’s a specific productivity, life, or financial hack that will somehow lead to a more fulfilling life.
After 5 years owning my own financial planning business, I realized a common theme among many clients and prospects is that we all can name big dreams we have for ourselves, but very few of us are actually living them. We often find ourselves burned out and wondering what’s next. We easily move on to the next thing rather than doing the inner work necessary to match our outer dreams. Knowing there is a limit to the number of people I can reach one-on-one, I wanted to write a book exploring ways which people have overcome their adversities to live their biggest dreams.
My hope in reading this book is you will discover reaching your dreams is not about getting another rung on the career ladder, working harder or finding another life or productivity hack. I hope to instill a passion and excitement for focusing on your inner journey. Ultimately, I want you to see this as a tool to help you launch your biggest dreams.
Now you can order it today.
In this book, you’ll learn about how to make sure your inner journey matches your outer journey. The common denominator of the 50+ people I profiled in the book is that they made a big change to live a life more in sync with their purpose and passions. Learn from their stories and insights which unfold over three parts:
You will love this book if you are someone who is successful in their careers but aren’t feeling fulfilled. Or if you’ve ever said, I want to start a business, take a sabbatical or retire early “one day” but aren’t quite sure how to get there.
The Resiliency Effect is a non-fiction book that speaks to professional women who are looking at next steps in their careers or desire to find more meaning in their lives.
Click here to order my book today!
